Did you know..

Do you know what it's like to have a piece of music trapped in your mind for at least twenty five years, knowing it is a lovely piece of music, knowing that it seems to flitter in your memory and just pop up every so often, only to fade away in the annals of your mind after a few hours? Not being able to identify it because you couldn't confirm the music if you actually heard it? Do you know what it is like to actually hear that music after all those years, and end up with goose-pimples the size of ostrich eggs? Do you realise how emotional this is, what depth of feeling this brings? I hummed the theme to Mandy when it happened to me today and she recognised it... the music? Well, it happened to be the theme music of a film I absolutely love and have watched many a time, The Godfather. The bewitching music was just literally a butterfly in my mind for so many years - it evokes an emotion for a particular reason that I am reluctant to mention in a blog, maybe it's a bit too private, but it still strikes me in a particular, very primal way that is very difficult to understand or explain.

I had never watched the film before my hearing loss (I was too young) so I didn't realise that what I was hearing was this music. One of those 'cochlear implant' moments, as people in a similar situation to mine are apt to call it.

Limitations

Yesterday I had two situations where I think I was attempting to operate the Cochlear Implant beyond its range of capacities.

Towards lunchtime, I had my first phone conference, which was with a customer overseas, in the UK to be exact. Frankly - it was awful - I could barely understand anything, not more than 3-4 words in 10, probably less as the words seemed to be clipped (we were calling over VOIP) and very unclear - the line was very poor. To be fair, my (hearing) colleague also understood with difficulty but I expected to do better. Pretty disappointing to me, but maybe practice will change this somewhat.

In the evening, we had a meeting for parents at Maria's school, and since we were quite rushed and harried we ended up arriving just a couple of minutes before it all started. This meant we ended up right at the back, I would say about 15-20 metres away from the speaker. Between me being tired (I was pretty busy this week and this is reflected in my lack of posts) and also because I was far away (and compounded by the fact that Maria was eating from a crinkly packet, leading to a racket) I could understand very little, much less than I expected to, really.

On the other hand, these past three days I had 8am to 5-6pm non stop sessions of system design meetings. These are highly technical, detailed, convoluted brain-storming sessions where we design an IT system for a client, and it can get quite heated at times with people coming up with solutions and alternatives to problems or methods that customers use. You obviously need total concentration and need to understand as much as you can, because just one missed sentence can lead to a totally wrong frame of mind and conception of a problem. Since I am the team leader leading this session the pressure is increased because the final word is mine and I obviously cannot base a decision on something I misheard. However, everything went steaming past with no problems - it was tiring as it required concentration but at the same time, I had the satisfaction that I was understanding and participating completely in this issue.

Due for a posting

Apologies for not posting much recently. I've been quite busy these past few days and haven't had much time to think about what to post let alone actual posting. This does not mean that I haven't had anything to blog about - far from it, but once in a while I realise I have a life outside of that electronically encapsulated through this blog!

Last weekend, we went out for a meal cum entertainment evening for our children with some friends and family (i.e. Maria's cousin and best friend, Rebekah). We first took the children to play in the play area - where, predictably, I was wincing at the noise that there was in the place. I hate to think what I would do if I were a kindergarten assistant, because I cannot bear the sound of children screaming. But anyway.

Following that, we had a (relatively forgettable) meal. I'm not going to bother with the details of the meal itself (frankly, my burgers cost about a tenth of what we paid for ours, and are much better), rather I will focus on the socialisation that took place. But as things are, conversation was the usual Maltese thing; casual, loud, changing from subject to another and composed of much gesticulation, exaggeration, comedy sketches, imitation and verbal inflections that can only be picked up by actually hearing - I am realising that you lose so much by just lipreading! Again, I will not focus on the subject matter - mostly to save the blushes of the people concerned as well as to keep this blog on a clean, smut-free level (!). I found that I could, with relative ease, follow a conversation between the four people that were together (boys talking boys stuff) and at times, grasp bits of the other foursome (girls talking girls stuff) too. Fascinating! It *did* involve moving to a better position as being masked by another person detracted from my understanding, but when I'd chosen the appropriate program and position, things were great.

A couple of the people in the group don't know me too well because, frankly, I never interacted much previously when we were in a group of people larger than 2-3 people, and in such a noisy place, I would have been a no-hoper. They seemed quite surprised that this person in front of them had a voice and an opinion a well as a sense of humour (try laughing at a joke when you only understood "there was..." and "...his shoe" -as I did previously - and you'll understand what I mean) I hope to surprise some other people this way very soon.

Theme Music to my Cochlear Implant Adventure

If I had to choose the theme music for my cochlear implant journey, I wouldn't think twice but to propose Vangelis playing Chariots of Fire. This is a beautiful piece of music, it's not my favourite piece, but it's so evocative, so haunting. It projects the feeling of a person who is struggling against the odds but finally succeeds. Funnily enough, when one considers that this is amongst my ten favourite pieces of music, I haven't seen the film. Must rent it some time.

Memories (are made of this)

When I read posts Jennifer's, describing her initial feelings after switch-on (go Jennifer, you'd doing great!) I can't but help think how far I've moved and how lucky I've been that, touch wood, my first month was like many people's first SIX months. I get emotional at times when I listen to long-forgotten music, and remember how I was just 5-6 weeks ago, deafer than the stone column next to my desk.

I've spoken to implantees who cannot get music six months down the line and I got it after a week -is that luck, drive or skilled surgery? I really wish I knew what the magic formula for my success (so far) has been as I would put it on the blog immediately, but I can say that perseverance, discipline and tenacity has alot to do with it. Self belief is important BEFORE you get switched on, and the capacity to look at things positively when, let's face it, you're getting a horrible mish-mash of sound into your ears (or should it be head?!)

One last thing - I have never taken the CI off since I was switched on, barring when I shave, wash or sleep, with the exception of a few minutes when my dad and I were at the Air Show and I was afraid that the loud sound would cause damage. I think leaving it on tells the brain that basically it is going to have to put up with the sounds coming in, like it or not!

Bits and bobs

This week, we had a wedding of a work colleague. I think the cochlear implant was working at its hardest and at times it was a bit difficult. the acoustics of the room weren't all that great, and the typical Maltese wedding is a fingerfood event, leading to people mingling. Thus lots of people talking at once - lots of noise. Coupled with the (loud) live music, a very difficult listening environment but I managed well enough. Something interesting I found was the fact that sounds become so much more electronic when they are loud! Even my wife sounded very electronic.

I've also been going through a musical tour this past weekend. The VH1 Classic music channel had every single Number 1 from the Eighties, and it was literally a journey through memories. Music is so wonderful... I'm literally bathed in it all the time - currently there's a number 1 playing that was popular when I was venturing into the 'dating world' so to speak - Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up (yes I'm that old!).

When you lose something like I did, and get it back, you seem to hold on like there's no tomorrow, in case you 'lose it' again. I'm enjoying every minute of hearing, terrible sounds and all.

By the way, did you know that (instant) coffee makes a rustling sound when you insert the spoon into the grounds? No? Well you do now!

Terry Wogan!

I have just (re)discovered the joys of Terry Wogan on BBC Radio 2, over the Internet. I used to listen to Wogan when we travelled to the UK (and Jimmy Young, while I'm at it!) his wry humour hasn't changed that much - I look forward to watching him on the Eurovision in May.

It's quite a leap really - from Rediffusion (cable Radio) in the mid-eighties, which is where I lost my hearing, to Radio on the Internet, listening to Radio stations from England, America, Australia, Germany...

I have also taken the step forward to switching off the subtitles on some TV programmes to focus on speech only. Yesterday, on the telly, there was Interview with Kylie Minogue (a fascinating insight into this lady's fight against breast cancer) showing, and the subtitles were so out of sync with what was being said, that it was confusing, so I turned them off. And I was understanding practically everything! It's amazing!

Forgot to blog about this...

Last Friday, I thought I'd hook my audio cable to the TV and try and listen in to Xarabank. For people who live overseas, this is a prime time discussion program (is such a thing possible in a Mediterranean country?! Discussion?!) and to say I found it fascinating is an understatement. It was almost a study of human behaviour and reaction. It was all about the 'festi' that we celebrate in Malta, which are feasts that are celebrated on behalf of the patron saint of villages. These feasts sometimes degenerate into the quasi-pagan alcohol fueled rites where piques originating from long-forgotten misunderstandings, disagreements or just plain spite become the focus of the boys in blue (the police that is, not the Sliema football club!), and the incessant rumble and bang of the petards and firecrackers (for lack of a better word) leads to an annual debate on whether they should be banned or not.

Anyway, it's not something I normally would bother with, as I am no fan of feasts and try to make sure I'm out of my village when our feast is on, but it was just fascinating to hear the opinions - banal or not - of people ranging from a parish priest from a particular parish with a 'disagreement' problem, the police, feast enthusiasts, people who work on fireworks - even a hearing specialist who reported that exposure to noise from petards can lead to permanent deafness. I always used to wonder why half Malta's population watch the programme, I mean, do we have so little to do on a Friday evening? However, this frankly low-brow, quasi blue collar entertainment was fascinating to watch and follow. I didn't understand ALL that was said (some people were disagreeing and talking at once!) but I managed to get along. Can't wait till next Friday!

When it's better NOT to hear

Sometimes, actually hearing what goes on leaves me cringing and wishing for slightly LESS hearing at that point in time. As you can imagine, cochlear implants don't sound perfect, and some things that are normal sounds are quite unpleasant too!

Let's catalogue some of the things I don't like the sound of.

• I sometimes eat with a friend of mine, and I discovered that this person slurps at his food each time he makes a mouthful. It makes my own food a little appetising, hearing someone going 'sllllurrrrrppp' every mouthful.
• At the supermarket on Saturday, I heard a total stranger 'breaking wind', which so surprised me that I turned to look at the source of the sound!
• Children throwing a tantrum also sounds terrible (remember, I have a three year old) although it doesn't sound so flattened as it used to previously.
• Some car brakes are quite unpleasantly high pitched

None of these sounds are painful - they're just downright horrible!

Trip to the Supermarket

I went to do the big, monthly shop at the supermarket today, at one of those supermarkets that have everything from a butcher to a baker (not sure about a candlestick maker...)

It was fascinating. I got to know that the fishmonger is allergic to calamari and he has to wash his hands thoroughly after he cleans them for customers. I found out that the candyfloss vendor still eats his products when I told him I would have loved a sample 20 years ago. I also found out that, according to a particular sales rep, a particular yoghurt is surely the best on the market, and that another sales rep believed that her brand of ricotta cheese is very tasty and wholesome.

Oh, and the cashier told me that I could get a scratch card for a Kit Kat (secret vice?!) competition from customer services. As it is, I won absolutely nothing, but at least I got to obtain the card!

Back from the UK

I'm back from the UK after my latest mapping session. Things went quite well, considering. I reported certain issues to the audiologist and had a very interesting chat with her about the why's and wherefore's of certain issues that I had. For instance, children's voices sound 'flattened' when they're shouting possibly because the CI starts to kick in at a particular point to control the sound (although it's improved slightly since the last session). I also fine tuned the lower, quieter sound and although I get more ambient sound than before, the bonus is that music sounds slightly better.

The audiological scientist I met explained to me that normal hearing has a frequency range from about 20 to 20,000 Hz. Now, a CI can only deal with 150 to 8,000 Hz, so in effect, anything below or above those windows of opportunity, so to speak, is being lost. This is mostly a technological issue but is being worked upon by Cochlear Implant companies - the speech processors cannot sample sound fast enough to gain sound in those reaches of frequency. This explains why certain music sounds faint or flat - certain tones aren't being picked up, however, speech is OK because it fits in neatly within these ranges. Likewise, Rock/Pop music is broadly within these ranges, although certain musical instruments exceed these rates and thus sound distorted. So, for anyone who is attempting to listen to music with a cochlear implant - I suggest you stick to pop or rock for the time being!

My reasoning is that this is why alot of sounds do not sound right - possibly because a compendium of individual sounds that make up a global, complex sound, such as car engines, are not complete, and I'm only getting the sounds that are within my range. So I think that before they get that magic technology with a sample rate fast enough to pick up these frequencies,

On the radio now - I Just Called to Say I Love You - and just when I thought I'd got away from such saccharine sweet songs ;) Anyway, sounds exactly like I remember it! The piano DOES sound different though, very strange and electronic.

Sound bites?

This weekend I had my first real, hard test for my cochlear implant. We had a nice meal for my sister in law for her birthday, and we were sitting on a long table, about 12 of us. Now, I must add that Maltese people are VERY vocal people - very Mediterranean (!) so we tend to be a bit, well, LOUD when we meet up. I ended up at the end of the table as we were a bit late.

Anyway, it wasn't TOO bad, but I discovered that the BEAM option on my CI is not much use in these situations - it has a relatively short range and people at the end of the table were inaudible. ADRO wasn't all that good either, as since the major sounds in the background were speech related, so I decided to use autosensitivity, which didn't do too badly. Not perfect, but much better than usual when I'd just end up sitting by myself trying to get a word or two every once in a while and grimacing inanely like a clueless Cheshire Cat when other people were smiling. Effectively, I could follow what the 4-6 people closest to me were saying, but that's it. Which is alot better than the just the person in front of me that I was limited to before, but still some way to go.

At one point on Sunday, I was in the yard with Maria and Flopsy, banished as Mandy was washing the floor. I started hearing a 'staticy' buzz. Uh-oh I said, I have a problem - having recalled that people who had CI problems before reported static at times. Then I noticed the 'static' was actually coming from a FLY that was buzzing around over my head. I wonder what decibel rating a fly has?

I've been listening to the radio on my MP3 player over these past few days. I'm fascinated how broadcasting has moved forwards since I lost my hearing. I became deafened in 1985, when Rediffusion still ruled the waves in Malta, and Radio Stations were limited to just 2 - Radju Malta 1 and 2. With my hearing aids, radio was never clear enough to understand so I never bothered. I was surprised to be informed by Stephen, my friend, that Radju Malta 2 is no more, and that it's just Radju Malta. Now, 21 years later, Radio Stations have bloomed to about 25, including local ones (not bad for a country of 400,000 people!). It's fascinating listening to different announcers on different programmes, I'm almost amazed to hear advertising on Radio Stations (which is even less interesting than that provided on television) - although, in hindsight, the revenues have to come from somewhere!

Tomorrow, I'm back to England for my 1-month review. I'm eager to see how much I've improved on my results from a month ago!