New Year's Eve

What a difference a year makes! A year ago from now I was tense, apprehensive and scared that I would be rejected, just 5 days after New Year.

This year, I'm enjoying the Christmas to its fullest. Parties, which I used to dread as I was almost always ending up on my own watching paint dry - are now great, although not perfect (it's still quite difficult to follow in very noisy environments but I manage). I have noticed people who I've known for years but ignored me before, actually sit up and notice I'm there. I've made new friends, built up a confidence with those friends that I had before. It's been a special year.

My New Year's resolution? Aside from wanting to lose a little weight (I'm a bit too much of a beer belly guy - without the beer!! - for my taste) I really want to continue providing people with an information source about Cochlear Implants. I have been trying to do that these past 15 months, even though, frankly, I do have less to report from a personal point of view because, well, how many times can I say, hey, I'm doing very well, thank you very much? I do sometimes notice new, faint or indistinct sounds but obviously my journey of discovery is not as deep as it used to be four months ago.

So where do I go from now? I obviously want to continue maintaining this blog and will do. I will continue trying to provide people with an information source as I know how helpful it is to hear it from someone who has 'been there done that' I am now just wondering if I should have a change of tack and, rather than my 'life and experience' kind of blog, I should now focus on an 'information noticeboard'? Maybe my readers can help me on that. Suggestions are appreciated!

Anyway, I would like to take the opportunity to wish the people who read this blog - be they my family, friends or even complete strangers - a very happy new year 2007.

Oh, and Romania and Bulgaria - welcome to the EU tomorrow!

Merry Christmas!!!!!

Dearest readers, family and friends,

I would like to wish you all the very best Christmas and New Year, for you and your respective families.

I sincerely hope that your day is full of joy, happiness and turkey!! I wish that you all have a special day full of the joys that Christmas brings.

As I listen to Christmas carols, and smell the turkey in the oven and hear the tin foil rustling away as it cooks, I look back on a year ago and remember how much I enjoyed that Christmas, even though I was so apprehensive about the forthcoming assessment. At the same time, it was almost weird - Christmas without music is like turkey without, well, cranberry sauce. Now, it feels so much more complete. I feel whole again. Anyway, with love from us all to all the people round the world who read this blog, have a wonderful day, and I'll be raising a glass to all those wonderful people who helped me achieve my goal and dream of hearing my little girl.

Christmas Concert

Picture this:

A year ago, myself at my daughter's - Maria's - Christmas concert. I was desperately trying to make some sense out of the sludge I was hearing from my ruined ears.

And now fast forward to today, when I was at her concert again. I could pick out the songs, the lack of synchronisation (I mean come on, these are three year olds and not the latest girl band), the tunes.. OK, the music wasn't all that good (maybe because the speakers were about 5 feet away and blaring away merrily) but I could actually hear the children sing. I can honestly say it was one of the most emotional situations I've been in, in my life. Here I was, listening to my beloved daughter singing Christmas Pudding.. Jingle Bells, Ninu tal-Milied..and actually understanding it. Tears welled in my eyes when I saw my little girl looking out for us and smiling at us when we saw here. A wonderful experience.

Background music

Last week, Mandy and I went to a lovely wine bar in Attard, called Etienne's. Upstairs for the restaurant, downstairs for a cosy, intimate wine bar - just a few things on the menu but lovely food, good service, and good music. And that is what I am actually blogging about today, because that particular evening out we had was the first I've ever had when I appreciated the background music.. quite soft, but interesting. I couldn't recognise any of the tunes and wouldn't recognise them again if I heard them, but it was an enjoyable experience, because normally background music would just be a mish-mash of sound.

3 month review

Apologies for not updating recently (I've been saying this quite frequently these past few weeks). I have just returned from a 3 month review which was coupled with a business trip to the UK.

I met up with the people there and described what a change the implant had made in my life. I also gave them some feedback and what I felt about the design of the device itself and the quality of what I was hearing. I also had my tests to gauge progress over the past months, and to say I was amazed is an understatement. The tests were as follows:

Speech (in sentences) with lipreading: 100%. That is, I understood every single word that was said. Remember that in January, I got something like 20% in January.
Speech (in sentences) with just hearing: 99% - I missed out just one word. Less than 1% in January!!!
Speech (in sentences) in noise - 87%. Some hearing people might struggle to hear this much.
Individual words - 89% (phonemes) and 70% (the words themselves).

I was told that these results put me in the range of a top achiever, which I was pretty pleased to hear - it showed that all the hard work had paid dividends.

I am now at that particular point when I move into the 'open seas', as I now have just a review at 9 months (i.e. 6 months from now) and then an annual formality review. I think I'm finally free now, but at the same time I cannot help look back at the times in the beginning of my switch on, when I was taking my first, tottering steps into hearing, and comparing with how I am now.

As I told K at Manchester, funnily enough I feel the smallest change invoked by the implant has been in my hearing. What has actually changed vastly are my self confidence (and with that self esteem), my capacity to mix with people, my involvement in so many things - familial, professional and social - that other people might take for granted, that I never had and always craved.

When I look at my daughter who is currently eating some yoghurt next to me, and I look at her and smile, and hear the little comments that she makes that makes a child so lovable, her giggles, her snorts of laughter, even her little burps and 'clouds' as she calls them (no prizes for guessing what these really are) and her apologetic 'pardon me' afterwards... worth all the suffering, difficulty, uncertainty and trauma of the past year. This year was the first time for so many years that I heard a child singing 'happy birthday to me' (last Friday, in case anyone is interested, and 35, in case someone is nosy) and it was so heart warming, so endearing...

Meetings

It's amazing what change occurs over three months. During meetings, particularly in large ones, I used to literally drain myself trying to follow what was being said, looking left and right like a mad man trying to understand what people were saying. I would slouch in my seat in a desperate effort not to be noticed and asked a question that I might not understand and humiliate myself in answering.

Now, things have changed. I can follow the proceedings with relative ease (now that I've got the hang of appropriate placement) and participate in meetings fully. I see colleagues who don't really know what has come over me these minds look around quizzically, thinking something is strange with this 'new' voice, and then they notice that it's me talking and their eyes open with surprise. A Kodak moment, so to speak.