Hear Again

Long time no see

2007-11-17T09:23:00.000+01:00

I do admit, it's been way too long since I've blogged. I've been super busy recently - Sarah has been keeping us pretty occupied as has Maria, I've had quite a bit of travel over the past month too (and going abroad again Tuesday!) and work hasn't exactly been static recently. Coupled with this, I can honestly say that the novelty of the implant has well and truly worn off. Not a day passes when I am not grateful for this opportunity to live again, and I still do read the occasional article that my google news turns up, but at the end of the day my implant has become a quintessential part of me in the same manner that, say, my spectacles are, or my watch. Something indispensable, but something you don't really notice is there.

I still marvel to this day that I can pick up a phone and call whoever as easy as that, but I don't actively look out for new sounds or try to identify indistinguisable ones with the same gusto that I used to. At the same time this is proof of the fact that this is such a life changing thing. I mean, if it DIDN'T meet my expectations I would think that by now I'd be pretty bitter and upset. I still do emphasise that it's not a party, it's pretty tough actually getting there, but the end result is worth it. It's not perfect hearing but frankly, compared to what I had before, it's manna from heaven.

Facebook

2007-10-09T12:45:00.001+02:00

For those addicts of facebook, I'm at http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=677750851 :)

Yes, I still exist!

2007-10-09T12:19:00.000+02:00

Sorry for not posting recently. What with the baby, a busy time at work and other bits and pieces, unfortunately my blog fell by the wayside. This does not mean that I completely forgot about you, dear readers :) Sarah is a month old tomorrow. I thought I'd post about the experience I've had as a new father with an implant.

Maria came before my final plunge to an auditory abyss. But even then, I was still struggling to see what was going on. At one time Maria was struggling - the birth was a tough one, and she was getting distressed. Although I sensed the undercurrents and could see the worried looks on the midwives' faces, what they were saying was lost to me. To say that I was scared stiff is an understatement - I also had to pretend that everything was great to Mandy. Luckily it all went well.

Sarah, on the other hand - could not have been more different. The birth was relatively easy. the baby's heartbeat was reassuringly frantic on the monitor. I was following every word that the midwife was saying. The actual delivery was so smooth I couldn't believe it. After Mandy's epidural, she was feeling pretty tired so she closed her eyes and rested. A few pushes, and we were proud parents for the second time. The range of emotions that came over me were indescribable. I can honestly say that this last year has been absolutely the most varied, frantic, 'high-low' of my life. I think that Sarah's birth was the highlight. Now, I listen to the sounds that my little daughter makes with wonder. She coos, she sighs, she burps, she farts... all those baby sounds that make a small child so adorable, my little mouse does them all - and then some!

My girls

2007-09-21T18:04:00.000+02:00

I'm not in the habit of using photos in my blog (as a matter of fact, I haven't got a single one) but I *had* to put this one on, as I've been asked for a photo of my two princesses - here goes - Sarah, aged 8 hours, on the left, Maria, the big sister, on the right. I love them to bits and am so proud of them both.

A child is born

2007-09-13T15:57:00.000+02:00

Something unrelated to implants but I really had to mention this. On the 10th September, at 1:38am, Sarah Louise was born. Instantly, I fell in love yet again - I loved her the minute her head popped out and said hi to the world. The amazement I felt seeing my second daughter come out is with me still.

The first birth - Maria, was very tough. Mandy suffered quite a great deal, she couldn't have an epidural anaesthetic as the anaesthesist found it hard to find the 'sweet zone', so to speak. It was a difficult, painful birth for Mandy and it was awful for me just to look at her and try to act calm when in fact I was feeling so helpless about what was going on. So it was with not just a little trepidation that we approached Sarah's birth.

As it is, we needn't have worried. The minute the contractions started getting rough, we were taken into the delivery room and Mandy was given the epidural (worked this time!) She was very calm - then, before we knew it, our little mite was in our hands.

So far, she's been very peaceful. Maria adores her little sister, really taking care of her, stroking her, brushing her hair, singing to her - a proper little mummy. Talking about implants, at least some things have changed now! Firstly, I used to find the process of burping the baby quite stressful with Maria. Since I couldn't actually hear her burp, I had to rely on the sensation of the burp and the smell on her breath (!). Suffice to say burping babies wasn't my greatest skill. Now, at least I can actually hear the burp. I can also marvel at the sounds that babies make - snuffling, mewling, cooing sounds that only babies do. I never realised what these sounds were before, as I don't recall the babies we had in our family prior to my hearing loss. So far, it's been wonderful. I love being a dad of two princesses :)

Minor processor issues

2007-09-02T08:56:00.000+02:00

I had some problems with my processor recently. I noticed that

1) When it's pretty hot (we've had a long hot summer in Malta this year!) the volume seems to go down quite substantially. When I tried auxiliary cables the sound was fine so it was related to the microphones. When temperatures went down, I heard a sort of pop and everything went fine. What I also noticed was that this volume reduction seemed to be 'announced' by a rustling sound similar to the one that you move a cloth against a microphone.

2) I also noticed that, at times, when I switch the processor on, it turns itself off again, then when I turn it back on again, it seems to loop between the Sensitivity settings and the volume. Pressing the sensitivity button seems to lead it to 'hanging' as the on switch doesn't work. The only way to reset is to remove the battery compartment and put it in again.

I reported it to the Manchester CI centre and in their typical efficiency they sent me a new controller, even putting a self addressed padded envelope in for me to send my existing one back - apparently the second problem is a known one. I'm currently with another controller and seeing what happens.

Implementation

2007-08-27T13:20:00.000+02:00

We went live with a site a week or so ago. It happened to be a public holiday, so I was not at work while the site was brought up. Like all IT implementations, this one was quite frantic - things going wrong at the last minute, small issues back and forth. Phone calls here there and everywhere. Mobile phones ringing, calls back and forth. SMS popping up every few minutes.

Then it dawned on me - these things are actions I couldn't have dreamed of just a short year ago. Now, it's easy enough to take these things for granted, but not then - the idea of making a simple phone call even to my wife was such a distant dream.

Sounds of joy...

2007-08-11T18:21:00.001+02:00

My cochlear implant and I have become firm chums, but few things can be considered as more beautiful as interacting with your children. I found communicating with my daughter, Maria, very difficult before I got my implant and she was one of the main driving forces behind me obtaining my implant. Maria is now almost 4 and my implant is now as part of her life as it is my own. When she's annoyed with me (teasing her for instance) she removes the headpiece from me. The other day I shamefully kept my implant plugged in onto the TV when I was listening to a TV programme while I was playing with her. She was pretty angry with me and she cheekily told me to remove the cable right now and almost made me take my processor off too - so it was a matter of negotiation to be allowed to leave my headpiece on!

But.... something even more special happened a few days ago... I guess it's about time to mention to all and sundry that Mandy and I are in the family way again and are expecting our second child in a month or so (yes she IS 8 months pregnant!!!) and... I was so overjoyed to hear our baby's heartbeat - I never heard Maria's so this was especially special for me. The fascinating sound of the frantic bleeps of the heartbeat of that small child yet to be born was something very emotional and particularly moving for me.

A year on.

2007-08-09T07:40:00.000+02:00

A year ago right now, I was sitting in my hospital bed, waiting, waiting waiting. I still remember the thoughts going through my head - the fear, the anticipation, the terror that something would go wrong, the firm conviction that I was doing the right thing. I still remember sitting listlessly in my armchair, watching Argentine football on Five.

What a year it's been. Would I have anticipated that I would be using a phone, listening to music, following meetings? Would I have expected that my family life would have changed so much? What about the career boost that renewing my hearing would give me? Not in a month of Sundays. So today, it's really two birthdays - Mandy's (who is 31 today) and mine - the day I was reborn.

Mobile phones

2007-07-20T20:13:00.000+02:00

About 2 weeks ago, I went fishing with a friend. Since I didn't know where his boat is berthed, I smsed him to tell him I'd arrived (at the unearthly hour of 515am) in the meeting point we'd agreed. He didn't reply so I rang on his mobile and hung up. Shortly after that, I heard the phone ring. I hesitated (since I'd not used a mobile phone for conversations) and then muttered, what the hell.. and answered it. And.. for some reason, it was clear as a bell. I arranged to meet my friend, Mark, and that was that! I've been using my mobile quite frequently recently. It's not always clear, I don't always understand everything, but just imagine, just a year ago I was quivering in my boots, waiting for my operation, not understanding a thing from my poor, destroyed ears!

Just when I thought I'm getting no more improvements...

2007-07-10T10:48:00.001+02:00

I'm in Holland again and was on a bus this morning going to work. And I heard something that even 3 weeks ago was inaudible to me - the click of the indicator on the bus. This is *very* faint to the point that a hearing colleague of mine could barely hear it, it was so faint. I also picked up the sound of the bell which is also quite a faint 'squawk' sound.

It's amazing that even after 10 months I'm seeing change.

A tip..

2007-07-03T12:34:00.000+02:00

It might be common sense for some.. it *is* common sense now I know about it, but it's best that I explain a trick I found out last week when I visited the hospital outpatients last week.

I had complained that it is fiddly to take off the speech processor, press the two buttons simultaneously, plonk it back on again and answer the phone in a short space of time.

I was shown a very simple (at the same time common sense) manner of doing it - just reach behind my ear, and press the buttons at the same time, and there it goes. It's not foolproof, sometimes the switching doesn't work and I end up in the sensitivity setting or the volume one but at least it works!

Change of programme!

2007-06-21T12:44:00.000+02:00

The people from the Manchester Cochlear Implant programme came over to Malta this week, and while they were there they asked me to pop over at the hospital. Since I have just had my tests in Manchester just a few weeks ago it didn't make sense for me to have the tests run again but I took the opportunity to ask for a programme change. I had been toying with taking the plunge and removing the Beam programme which I have, frankly, found pretty useless. In fact, the only circumstances I found it useful was to listen to someone on my left hand side in a plane! The idea is good, the problem is that it sounds too faint to be of any use.

So, I replaced it with Whisper, with a particular use in mind. I've a particular customer that has the habit of whispering when speaking, and I have struggled at times to understand him. Hopefully this will permit me to understand him more.

in Holland..

2007-06-12T08:42:00.000+02:00

I'm currently in Holland yet again. I'm sitting in my office (our customers call it the Maltese office as we make use of it when we're over!) waiting to start off a meeting. The window is open and a light fresh breeze is coming in. We're in the countryside over here so it's a welcome change from my office back in Malta, which is basically in the middle of an industrial area in front of Malta's busiest road (although we've a nice view from the floor I'm on!) I can hear chickens clucking outside, a cock crowing triumphantly every once in a while.. the odd tractor burbling over to tow another roll of hay, birds singing.. interesting sounds, quasi background music I would say!

Went swimming!

2007-06-08T12:24:00.000+02:00

We went to the beach yesterday (7th June is a public holiday in Malta - first day of the swimming season as far as I'm concerned!). Aside from the fact that it was beautiful but flipping freezing still (water temp is 21 C!), I obviously had to stay without my speech processor. I can honestly say that, aside from the time I spend having a haircut or getting washed, this was the longest I stayed with my CI off. All of a sudden it came back to me again - hey, I'm deaf.. without that implant, I'm deafer than a stone. Obviously since my last remnants of hearing have been destroyed, I could hear absolutely nothing. It was a sobering thought that just a few months I was almost ALWAYS like that - not hearing a thing that is. I could even hear my tinnitus so much more - I'm not conscious of it when I have my implant on. It just gives me the shivers to think of something happening and having to return to that state again...

Worrying occurance

2007-06-04T13:04:00.001+02:00

I had a bit of a worrying occurance yesterday. I was hoovering the carpet in my car (something VERY infrequent I must add!), and then, when I came out, all of a sudden, I started hearing very loud, rustling sounds through my CI implant. It actually sounded similar to the sound one gets when one moves something against a microphone, and this way I realised it was my hair against the microphone. Uhoh, I thought, something is wrong here. I don't normally hear my hair against the mike. Moving along I heard the movement of my specs arms against the headphone too. Worrying me now. My neighbour was using his hoover too, and it sounded muted, strange. I turned my speech processor off, and turned it on again. The rustling disappeared, but sound still sounded muffled. I stifled the feeling of panic and went upstairs, and spoke to Mandy. She sounded quite faint. I tried using the plug in cable from the TV, and that sounded ok, so I assumed it's something wrong with the microphone.

So, I unplugged the headpiece from the speech processor, removed the microphone cover, and dusted off both the inside as well as the mike cover itself. I put everything back together, and, it was working! Phew!

Moral of the story - even though speech processors are pretty hardy, you really must take care of them. Better, take them off when doing dirty work!

Back from Holland

2007-05-26T13:14:00.000+02:00

I'm back! It was a gruelling trip frankly and both work wise as well as hearing wise it was quite difficult.

We were discussing things that are technical (IT related that is) and also complex. In addition, 2 of the people I was having conversations with have a habit of whispering and then all of a sudden raising their voices (leading to prodigious use of Program 3 - ADRO!) At the end of (long) days of meetings I was mentally exhausted. Tiring stuff!

Waiting for a plane..

2007-05-21T07:11:00.000+02:00

I am alone at home right now, waiting for the taxi driver to come for me to take me to the airport for a flight to Munich.

When I was in Manchester last week, I contemplated on the change in my life since the first time I had been there. I even went back to the hospital again to take a quick look - thinking about the almost pathetic hope I held in my heart the first time I stepped in, the despair I felt the first time I left, and the joy and hope I got in my subsequent trip when I found out I was eligible to get the implant. I recalled the fear in my heart when I went in for surgery. I couldn't but help feel emotional when I recalled what we'd been through to get where I am now - myself, my wife, my daughter, my family.. what a struggle it had been and, when I went to the hotel where we dropped off my daughter before going to hospital I remembered the heartbreaking feeling of desolation I had when I left her. It all seems like another lifetime to me, but not a lifetime to be forgotten.

As I bade farewell to Manchester, in my heart I wondered whether I would ever be returning to this place, obviously hoping that I wouldn't from the point of view of surgery. At the same time, I felt an affinity, a bond with the town that will never be broken. I always felt that 'link' with Manchester as a Manchester United supporter but now, the bond is so much stronger and real. It is the place where my life changed, to one that I never believed possible.

Off to the airport now :) Malta-Munich!

My last assessment

2007-05-19T19:22:00.001+02:00

I had my last assessment this week in Manchester. And it was an amazing proof that even though I'm not really conscious of the improvement, some changes are taking place.

Well, I first had a test which was a sentence being said in quiet. I scored 100%, this was just hearing, not with lip reading. The next involved listening to speech with noise 10 decibels lower. I got 96% correct and I'm convinced the 4% I got wrong were mostly related to the man's accent. Now, in December, I got 87% in this test and that was considered to be good. Another test I did wass with 5 decibels difference and I got (if I recall correctly) 85% correct. That was wonderful to hear. I was told that I am doing fantastically well (not that I needed to know this :) and this was tangible proof of my rate of improvement. I was so pleased. I also replaced the battery compartment thingy which had the flap come off a few weeks ago. I did notice the flap in this new battery holder seems to be more robust. Maybe other people have complained about it?
So, that's it in Manchester it seems. After a year and a half going backwards and forwards to Manchester, it seems that this is a chapter in my life that is now closed. I can barely believe it - 7 trips down the line, so much happened. I am so grateful to the wonderful, patient people who I got to meet while I was in Manchester - they are too many to mention and maybe they don't want to be mentioned publicly, but they know who they are, and I thank them (I also know they read this blog occasionally!). From now onwards, any appointments I have regarding my CI will be in Malta. A little less expense, perhaps!

Eurovision

2007-05-14T22:23:00.000+02:00

For the first time, I got to listen to the Eurovision contest as opposed to watch it. For those who are not European the Eurovision is a song festival that most european countries participate in. It's a fascinating programme - the music tends to be terrible in general, and many of the costumes cheesy, some of the talent questionable, but it's great fun.

I really got to understand why it had a cult following in Malta especially. Our song, Vertigo, wasn't that bad - not particularly my favourite tune but still worthy of reaching the final, much better than other songs and, I felt, unfairly treated by the block voting of Eastern European countries. It was really fun though - even though some of the songs were terrible. An Israeli song was totally mad for instance - a short bloke prancing around the stage saying 'he's going to press the baaatooon' (pronounciation!!!!) is not my idea of music, nor is the ridiculous Ukrainian drag act.. but the Cypriot song at least deserved to get through. I'm hooked - even the commentary was cheesy and stupid but great fun!

Telephone use

2007-05-12T09:58:00.000+02:00

I have realised that using the telephone tires me out in the same way lip reading used to. I have been using the phone at work for long periods of time recently - 3-4 hours in a day this week in fact and come home exhausted. I think the levels of concentration I use on the phone are more or less the same as when I used to lip read. Well, a bit less maybe because nowadays I also write (to take notes) or sometimes read emails or write them even!

From Hungary

2007-05-07T12:53:00.000+02:00

I didn't have any time to post from Hungary, sorry! We had a wonderful holiday there. Budapest is a beautiful city - splendid, majestic and classically designed. The view from Fisherman's Bastion on the Buda side is something to be seen to be believed.

Alas, I didn't pick up a single word of Hungarian. Either because it's too different a language with no similar roots in any language that I know (for instance, I can broadly understand Spanish because of my knowledge of Italian), or possibly because it's an extremely tough language.

All in all a lovely experience.

Anyway, I'm a bit disappointed that the covering flap over the jack where the external accessories are plugged in, has finally come off. So now, in essence, my speech processor is not water resistant anymore. I did comment about the flimsy nature of the flap with the people over at Manchester when I got my implant in fact - and looks like I was right. So, alas, I don't know if I can take my implant to the beach, especially a sandy one, when the swimming season starts in a couple of weeks time here in Malta.

From holland

2007-04-19T16:17:00.000+02:00

Just a small note from Holland.. things have gone pretty well here, and I return tomorrow, hopefully, in preparation for Sunday's trip to Hungary. It's interesting that I've actually picked up a few words in Dutch in this trip, something I haven't been able to do before.

Meetings are so much more effortless, even with foreigners. I can't believe that I'm holding meetings with 10 people, of whom 8 are foreigners. It's not easy, I do have to concentrate and at the end of the day I return to the hotel mentally exhausted but at least I'm getting along.

Something funny that I would not have caught before I did my implant. Yesterday we decided to go to Amsterdam as a change of scenery from our client location (which is pretty, but since it's in the countryside, it's completely dead). My friend knew of a good steakhouse and we decided to go there together. To get to this steakhouse, we had to cross the infamous Red Light District, in its seedy glory. My friend is pretty short and slightly corpulent in a cuddly kind of way I would say. As we were walking, a particular lady of the night called out to my friend, calling, 'Hey, the little one' with a strong Dutch accent (sort of Hei, da leetil wan!) and we found it hilarious. She didn't call him the bald one (He's also bald) or the short one, but the LITTLE one, as if he was some sort of pocket sized midget, and it was soooo funny in a manner that can't be depicted here. We just couldn't stop laughing. This was a humorous situation that I would have been oblivious to just a few short months before.

Football!

2007-04-14T17:08:00.000+02:00

The English/worldwide version I mean, not the American one :) I had a wonderful experience this week. I have been a lifelong fan of Manchester United - the biggest, greatest football club on earth (Sir Alex Ferguson please do visit my blog - please??? :) ) Anyway, 2 weeks ago I saw them losing against AC Roma. Anyone here in Malta will know that there are fanatical supporters for Italian sides as well as English sides, with a smattering of people supporting others. Anyway, I watched the game on RAI, the Italian national TV, and my enjoyment of the first football game I've followed with a commentary in over 22 years was ruined somewhat by the biaised commentary from the Italian commentator. You would think only one team was on the pitch! What a great experience it was to see United thump Roma 7-1 on the return game.. it was AMAZING. Now I understand why my friends enjoy watching football games with commentaries. Before, I used to say, but can't you watch it on satellite, OK the commentary is in Arabic/Greek/Indonesian/whatever, but isn't the game what counts? Well, listening to the snippets of information coming out of the games (in Italian, of course) showed me how wrong I was :)

Back to Holland tomorrow. Looking forward to it again!

Phone practice

2007-04-04T16:18:00.000+02:00

Recently I've been getting LOTS of phone practice. I'm currently liaising a great deal with people who prefer to do business over the phone, and thus phone calls are a necessity. It's amazing that each phone call I get, I develop more confidence and frankly understanding of what is being said. I'm even seeing a distinct improvement in quality via speakerphones which were unreachable for me even a few weeks ago. As I've said recently what I'm seeing regarding improvement is not new sounds as such but a better perception and quality of sound, it's a continual improvement.

I do think that the continual bombardment of sound I'm exposed to has alot to do with it. We Maltese are a very garrulous nationality, and we talk alot! In addition my work involves communicating morning till night with various people, so my mind and my implant have been getting alot of work. As it is, determination did have a part to play too.

What I'd love to do now is the last great barrier I've left - the mobile phone!